Random Stuff

All posts in the Random Stuff category

Bottleneck

Published February 8, 2017 by Virgo293

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It has indeed been a while since I had a conversation in this blog. I know, what a cliché to begin with. But I guess it is honest. Writing things to put up here actually associates with a lot of such feelings. Such ‘clichés.’ Feelings that create a nostalgia that we so repeatedly speak about. Like a hot cup of tea on a rainy evening. Like the smell of wet mud on a Sunday afternoon. Like a barefoot walk on a sandy beach.

These aren’t just metaphors anymore. They are feelings so universal that you could bottle them, and put them on a rack and people will know them as flavours. These are crutches that people sail through this brutal world on. They work as a push. They pull you to themselves. They give you a kick unmatchable to the best kind of wine. And yet, you don’t get to experience them when you want them most. It’s a high you can’t choose. Life decides when it tickles you. Almost like your fate.

I wonder if this is an addiction. Actually, it is. I am addicted to this stimulation. I am addicted to inspiration sending shivers down my spine. I am addicted to being drawn to write. To being moved. To being reduced to tears. To rising up to new beginnings and to lying awake in anticipation. I am addicted, to being alive!

But fortunately, or unfortunately, this is a feeling that comes only in parts. Or in phases. In days, sometimes. And sometimes, just in moments.

You can’t help when it touches you. You can’t help its high. You can’t help anything to do with it. Not even the fact that you are addicted.

Days pass awaiting motivation. Awaiting that spark that will light up your mind. You are not sad or depressed. Not even unhappy. You are just empty. With a hollow that continues to surround you.

How then do you help yourself? How do you put your foot down? How do you take life in your hands? How do you trace the flavours back? How then, do you become alive again??

Persistence they say is the key. Hard work is what fits the bill. You must keep doing, they say. I wish they could also tell me doing what? What is it exactly that I have to do?

I can keep writing bad things; I perhaps one day will have something good. I might become famous with that one click. Life might become better after that. But success and fame isn’t what I signed up to writing for. I signed up to writing because it made me happy. And I wanted to be happy every day.

What do I do now? I am addicted to the high it gives me. And still, I have nothing to say.

As I put these thoughts down, it dawns onto me. I’ve to find something to say perhaps. Look for that high. That inspiration. It is the stimulation I’ve to seek. And until I find it, not write!

A miracle then, will perhaps happen. And in that search, of that new flavour to bottle, I might find my happiness, in the bottleneck!

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Bullets and Daggers

Published October 17, 2016 by Virgo293

A strange silence has been following me recently. Not a hollow, a silence. A contemplative silence that nudges me to think about the so many moments that while away in life. The so many minutes I spend in my past. The so many hours that go thinking about what the future will look like. A silence, that constantly threatens me with the bullets of time. That threatens to take away the carefree spirit I have been trying to nurture ever since.

The constant question that keeps nagging me is ‘what if?’ ‘What if that meeting did not go well?’ ‘What if I did not finish that assignment?’ ‘What if I do not end up anywhere?’ They feel like daggers hanging on my head, these questions. They tend to make me escape lack of company, they force me to escape thinking, and they lead me areas so unexplored that I feel scared of being lost and never being able to come back.

And yet, what is constant, throughout this phase of bullets and daggers, is the light I see ahead. The feeling that this is all a conflict and that beyond this phase of uncertainties, this alleged lack of answers and this stern silence, lies a land of green. Where noise and discussions won’t seem so scary. Where abandoning lies and uncovering masks won’t be so difficult. Where little by little by little my patience and persistence will defy these powerful weapons; and the peace I so constantly seek, will shield my tired self.

That is when I guess, this silence will be more insightful. That is when the questions that pop up so naturally, will not threaten me of an unnatural death.  The dark cave I am so afraid of even looking at, will take me in and lead me forward. The present silence I’ve been shutting my ears to, will be a relief, from the world that offers setbacks and promises, together at once. And then, I’ll let the questions be, as they continue to hang in time.

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In the corridors of Time…

Published May 23, 2016 by Virgo293

A Line.

Published March 23, 2016 by Virgo293

Life is a line. A topsy-turvy, roller-coaster, straight yet curved, impossible to trace line. A line that goes up and down and up and down and up and down. In its wave form, the crests and troughs are difficult to gauge, predict and at times even deal with.

When you are just expecting a difficult climb, your tummy tickles with a sudden fall. And just when you are easing out for a comfortable drop down, it turns that you have to trek a rift all the way up.

It’s enough, believe me, for all of this to make your head spin. To make it go round. And round. And round. Enough at least to have you stop and look around. To seek a corner and sit. And take a deep breath. Even better if it is green, the corner. And below the stars. It still has to be in this world, unfortunately.  But trance, isn’t far away.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Once. Twice. Thrice. And then, Open your eyes. Re-adjust your vision.

The smile, will automatically come back.

Lay back. Lie down. Look up. And give yourself a break. From the hop skip and jump. From day and night. From good and bad. From thoughts and feelings. From them. And from yourself.

There is a lot inside. Waiting to settle down. To relax. To take a nap. Or maybe some actual sleep. Give all of that a treat.

Close your eyes.

When you open them next, you’ll perhaps believe me. Believe me when I say that even through the stagnancy, you’ve traversed to a different point, in the same line.

Emoticonning

Published February 21, 2016 by Virgo293

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Glistening light, a smilie and a good morning wish. A text that says so much that words are unable to.

The same glistening light. A similar good morning text. Words again communicate so much. Yet, the smile isn’t just missing on your phone. It din’t appear on your sleep-ridden, heavy eyed, face as well.

It shouldn’t be a surprise how smilies have affected our mode of communication so much. They’ve reassured the world of the fact that there is so much that words simply can’t define. They are aptly called emoticons, because what they communicate, are pure emotions.

That blush on your face has no other way to travel the distance it so easily does these days, nor those stars in your eyes. Ditto for your heavy heart. They don’t just communicate feelings, these smilies. They make the reader feel.

In short, they do everything that I would like to do as a writer,  but with words. No wonder they put me to spot. I genuinely feel insecure.

Because no matter how hard I try to mix flirtatiousness to my language, the piece just remains incomplete without a wink. My heart felt poetry fails to convey anything, until I use a prompter. Even a formal email, becomes much more interesting, with the use of an appropriate smile.

I wonder if this matters though. Why can’t I just use them, make my job easier, and get over with the fuss. After all, this might just be a transformation language is going through. And I agree that words by themselves are too powerful to be afraid of a transition like this.

But writers, especially the ones like me, definitely have something to think about

Amidst all these thoughts, the only reassuring one is that no matter how hard they try, one thing emoticons can never win over is Silence.

Perhaps because this is the only one thing that words have never been able to triumph over. And perhaps because, the whole point of silence, is to gauge understanding, without expression.

How silence not being affected is of reassurance to a writer, is a discussion for another time. But I insist that they should keep writing, with or without emoticonning.

PS I am really tempted to put a simlie at the end of this post, but I won’t because I have to make a point. 😉

Back Home

Published October 7, 2015 by Virgo293

Some words. A deed. An alien world.
A scary walk. Unlimited smoke. An empty street.
Doors shut. Lines drawn. An almost dark night.

I am looking around for light.
For another soul that’s human.
In all these faces that look like me, I am looking for something that resonates within.

I see something shine far away.
Light that is reflected right onto my face.
I run up the distance, in one single lap, rubbing my eyes to get more clarity.

And the vision, freezes me.
I notice the chill in my own eyes.
In the mirror ahead, I see myself. The self that has become a part of them.

I halt. I cry. Even shiver for a while.
But then I get back to the search.
Of the illusion I had of myself, when I was back home.

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Out of Context

Published September 9, 2015 by Virgo293
We live a life full of miseries today. We wake up with cars honking in our ears, in pea sized bedrooms that neither have enough bed nor enough room, to see faces of people filled with lines.
The day that follows has sunshine  just as light and heat keeps fowling upon us when the sky is full of clouds. The grey of concrete that surrounds us, is worse than black at times.You smile briefly until the news of a mishap, a manhandling and at times even a war reaches you. And then there are people that nag you down your throat.
We live in perpetual frustration. Happiness, prosperity and laughter, in a world like this, become non-contextual.
There’s is little you can do about any of this. But in the brink that these instances, they fill your life with misery, and affect you all over.
They say it is about the eye. About how you look at things. But then the glass is no longer half full. And the last few drops left in it force you to see the emptiness it is filled with. What do you do then, imagine a full glass? Optimism in this context then, isn’t it pointless?
I read something on a newspaper today, and it is truer now, than ever before. It said ‘The world is comic, but the joke is on mankind.’
Let’s face it, in the world today, if there is little to look forward to if you are a realist.
But the deal is that, I, am not a realist. And perhaps that is precisely why, I am out of context.
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