“I believe that a man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends.”
It’s quoted straight from a special friend of mine who sent us (me and the rest of our gang) a beautiful message starting with this, as a regard to friendship day. And the hungry muse-sick person that I am, I couldn’t resist using it to begin a long awaited post I have wanted to write forever. So please forgive the egocentric and self-seeking quotient of this post.
‘Friend’ is a term so loosely used in the world today. A term I use for my colloquies, class-mates, roomies, cohorts, anybody and everybody. In fact even bosses, mentors and teachers have this energetic spark of befriending everybody they train or teach. It has no boundaries and no definitions. If I can’t be a friend to my husband, I can never be a good wife. So goes the norm. And as if this was not enough, I am expected to be friends with the characters I am writing as well.
For god’s sake. They are not my friends. None of them. I can’t call up my boss at 12 in the night and say ‘Hey Dude… what’s up? In the mood for some chit-chat?’ I can’t do that because it is not required and more importantly because I wouldn’t want it.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not have a problem with a ‘friendly’ atmosphere in a classroom or workplace. But that is what it is. It’s friendly. We’re cordial, human and more than nice. But we aren’t friends. I don’t understand why people corrupt the term friend. And then create divisions like ‘ true friendship.’ False friendship literally means no friendship in the first place.
But the catch however is that if you are not a friend, doesn’t mean you are nothing. Each human being has a place of his own. Why belittle that value by comparing it to a set standard that nobody knows was set by who? As if being a friend is the only magnanimous thing to be. And everybody else falls into an oblivion not important enough.
Well it is not everything. Not for me at least. Every relationship you hold is equally valuable. It has a space and comfort of its own. And so is friendship. And I don’t believe in converting that into a parameter I judge every other relationship by.
I have a friendly boss, whom I can luckily call at any hour in the night. But he is not my friend. And I like it that way. I can share anything and everything with my mother. But she is not my friend. And I have quite a few other people, who I know will be by me in the ups and downs of my life. They are there, they are my friends and they are enough!
About my characters, they are definitely befriended. But by a side of me that is not as cynical and arrogant as this blog post.
Whether success is defined by the choir of your friends, is a story of another time. But I am definitely defined by the people in my life. All of them matter, Friends or not Friends!
P.S. There is a reason for the time I put this us. Belated happy friendship day!